Monday, November 21, 2005

the day santa died.

we all remember the exact circumstances of finding out about santa.what a fucking shit day there you'll all agree.however,i was slightly older that the average kid,looking back.in fact its pretty fucking embarrassing.i think i was quite innocent,had a sister two years youger,so for convenience purposes we were lumped together for everything;including the unveiling of the big secret.it's not my folksies fault or anything,they probably thought i already knew,and was doing the normal "lets keep up the pretence for a few more years and milk the presents!!" thing.unforntunately that was not the case.
so we were in school,my teacher,evil cow,in fact we'll call her mrs.cow said open the books page whatever......so we did.now my first clue was in the title..."the boy who found out there was no santa".vomit.blood rushed to my ears,i went white,i felt fucking ill.everyone read away,oblivious to my horror.by the way,i was twelve!!!!!!!!!!!!!arrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh.christ it all fell into place,and i'll never forget,it was literally like stepping out of a bubble,and everything's grey and cack,and feels...different.suddenly my mind was whirling and it was like my suppressed logical self flicked back on and was berating me "hee hee,we had a good laugh at you!!one man flying aoriund the world in one night???nipping down the chimney???leaving the price tags on??!!!!skipping the kids in africa???hohohohohoohohohohohoh".indeed.
needless to say i filled in sister on the mosey home.my poor mother had to face my angry and bitter tirade when i got in.i was screaming...is it true/is it true?? she looked so sad,and took a breath,dish cloth in hand,and said "he exists in spirit,if you believe".bollox.god bless her but i ripped her out of it.
nowadays parents are faced with the dilemma do they go along with the santa thing,or is it in fact morally wrong to knowingly decieve your kids and fill their heads with all kinds of shit.one analyst during the week said it was irresponsible to do so.well,what a bitter little prick.clearly he only ever got a sack of coal from the man himself!!!! fuck sake theres enough crap and hardship in this world and not enough magic,if you ask me.i always felt sorry for my mates who caught their half-witted drunk folks putting out the pressies,knobs.clearly my drunk parents were far more efficient.jesus,howd they do it???!!especially with my sly little stoaty-stoat sister sniffin around.god bless them.so,i'm slightly derranged obviously,but i swear if you've never felt the sheer excitement of christmas morning after santa's visit,you missed out.


At 1:48 AM, Blogger El Barbudo said...

"Is Father Christmas real?" I asked.

"Do you want him to be real?" my mother replied.

Fuck, cunt, shit, bollocks...

At 2:55 AM, Blogger Dr Maroon said...

I believed in him even after we got gas fires and central heating put in. What a prick!
The lies mount up when you find out. Well who left the glittery footprints?
Who drank the sherry?

At 10:55 AM, Blogger justbreathe28 said...

I KNOW.another question which was asked "why is the wrapping paper for your presents and santas the same?"
pure bloody laziness,clearly mum wanted the jig to be up at that stage!!!!!!!!!!


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