justbreathe

Monday, December 05, 2005

the penguin.

guilt.it's probably one of the most rancid things you can feel.as an adult you can take steps to rectify how you feel,confess,confide,apologise or just deal with it.most of us are equipped with rationality so we can step back and avoid it submerging your every thought.all that is stripped away when you're a kid.those thought processes haven't developed yet.feeling guilty as a child is the worst feeling.seriosly.

i can recall an incident when i was ten,which to this day baffles me.i was in school and it was approaching christmas (and no,this has nothing to do with santa!!!) and there was games,cakes and a raffle.we were in high spirits,everone was handing over their coppers for the prize,oh how life was jovial and carefree.but it was not to last.temptation crept my way in the guise of my cousin,who was running the raffle with her posse.she came over with a wink and whispered,"number twelve for the penguin".i could hardly belive my ears.was she suggesting???i stood there genuinely horrified.yes,i wanted the penguin,but not that way,never!but as the moments went on and her every wink and nod bore into my skull,i found it impossible to say no.and this is why,my belief that it was wrong to cheat,was simply ludicrous compared to her belief it was only wrong if you got caught.and no one was ever going to know.

i knew my argument was wasted on her logic,and having caved to the pressure,i handed over my coppers and stared sorrowfully at my winning ticket.i felt like the most horrible person.

needless to say,when the raffle crew came knocking at my class door to hand over that stuffed fucker,there was no whelps or yelps of joy.a forced smile and a look of disillusionment was all that greeted percy,who was now a symbol of my corruption.

i don't know why i felt so bad,i only know that to a child everything is black and white (ho ho) .and i felt so bad that i never told anyone,because i thought they'd be disgusted.i was so angry with my cousin for putting the choice in my hands,but she was always one for putting the pressure on,the bitch.

i couldn't even keep it.i gave it my sister who was a toddler at the time.after that he was always creeping around the place,accusing me with his beady eye.curse you percyyyyyyyyyyy!!and where goes he now? i don't know.but i'd say he's probably lurking and waiting for some poor unsuspecting child to go down his morally loose path.

4 Comments:

At 6:04 AM, Blogger Dr Maroon said...

That is the sickest thing I ever heard.
Who won the cigars?

 
At 6:02 AM, Blogger justbreathe28 said...

not me anyhow.to this day if someone tries to sell me a ticket i run away screaming

 
At 10:50 PM, Blogger Binty McShae said...

I think I may have mentioned this on someone else's comments, but my memory is a little shoddy...

I remember taking part in a national maths competition at school where you got points for every question answered correctly but minus points for every one answered wrongly, with no points for those not attempted. This was meant to stop people putting down random answers in the hope of a few extra points.

I had done reasonably well but hadn't answered all of the questions. However, I was sitting next to the class boffin and temptation overtook me... casually glancing across I copied down his answers to the questions I hadn't been able to do.

When the results came in I discovered I had got a much lower result than I expected. Despite having got nearly all of the ones I answered correct every single one that I had copied was wrong, thereby deducting a bunch of points from my score.

If I had stuck to my original answers I would have been given a silver award... instead I had to make do with bronze. Taught me a fucking lesson!

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger justbreathe28 said...

ah binty,you too succumbed in a crazy moment of weakness.let us make a pact to never again look in the dark direction.never!!!!!!!!!

 

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